Letters to Claire

12th November 2020

I’m smiling at myself, thinking and hoping you’ll break the deadline and call me sooner. 

Did you know you can type “days until 8th Jan” and Google will give you the result? It feels incredibly lazy but it lets me know. And 57 days doesn’t seem so bad. At the rate this school term is clocking along, part of me worries that you’ll hit that mark and not be ready. 

This isn’t because I think your journey is more difficult than expected or that you’re more broken than you realise (what a jerk, that jerk who says such jerky things) but life is unexpected. 57 days can bring so much change that it makes tears well in my eyes. You could lose a loved one, or several. You might witness something that changes your outlook, for the good or better. 

I’m not silly enough to think that the same may not happen to me and it’s always scarier when you imagine things happening to you. 

57 days is nothing. And it can be everything.

…I can’t believe you got a toothbrush for Christmas. Was it at least battery powered?

I tend to have a habit of waking up with a song in my head and I’ve always considered Facebooking or blogging them somewhere for a record of where my head is at. I woke up this morning with You’ll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins, to which I mentally eye rolled myself. 

I’ve been listening to Phil lately. Dad was a big fan and I have memories of car rides with his albums on repeat, semi-squeaming at the though of listening to Another Day in Paradise yet again. I did like the music but wouldn’t go out of my way to listen to it. Why would I when I was guaranteed another listen in the near future.

You’ll Be In My Heart is probably one of my least favourite songs. Maybe because it’s so saccharine sweet. Maybe because I heard it too many times in the ads for… was it Tarzan? Phil has better songs so I switched my head to his cover of Can’t Hurry Love which is probably no less cheesy but it’s a bit more… classical? In the sense of “Who doesn’t appreciate The Supremes, and this is a Fresh cover”.

My brother’s just messaged me about a 3D printing project. Apparently he’s gotten a new rangehood and there’s a gap that must be filled! If I get the printer cranking, I really should make you some badges.

OK! Must get ready for work. I miss you in the best possible way.

12th November 2020

I wonder if dentists prefer older patients due to their saggy, super flexible skin.

After many weeks of delays, I got my crown installed. Once again – no needles. Watch me flex. @:-D

Then a quick rush around town doing Bundaberg Art Prize jobs as the judge arrives today (should currently be making his way around the works) then a speed back to work. Online webinar at one covering Network Design and then leaving when the bells goes to do more Art Prize jobs. Opening night tomorrow.

I want to text you tonight to find out how the specialist visit went. The pause button for caring does not pair with the no talky talky option.

You know if things work out when we resume talking, it’s going to be viewed as incredibly romantic. That’ll make for some incredibly romantic sex. And isn’t that an encouraging thought…

13 November 2020

First – I didn’t mean to suck at this.

In all fairness, you did kind of leave me on a cliff hanger regarding your specialist visit and it’s a big thing in your life right now. I just needed to check on you. Just that once. I’ll hold fast. Even when you message me back. Twice.

Giant grins and swollen heart.

Opening night tonight. Things looked pretty good when I left yesterday afternoon. All of the digital stuff is ready and rockin’ and I put my clothes together last night – lookin’ swanky, I hope. I said I’d send you a preview when you asked. It feels like a promise, so the conflict in not fulfilling that promise is real. Plus I like you checking me out. It’s nice to be someone’s eye candy. 

Those photos of you building your camp oven setup? Honestly, I don’t know why the woodworking and overalls do it for me, but… *bites finger* Don’t judge me. 

13 November 2020

I started listening to the latest Darknet Diaries podcast on the drive to work this morning and it’s about Nerdcore, which is a bit off topic for this podcast. But I imagined telling you about Nerdcore, a type of music that is to nerds as country is to farmers, but I don’t get to expose you to this slice of humanity today. 

I like sharing in these tales of how unique humans can be. I like hearing your stories and making you laugh and sharing those experiences. I look forward to getting more of them tonight and writing them down for you.

I never invited you along to the opening night. I wanted to on several occasions. I knew you wouldn’t be able to come but I wanted you to know that I wanted you there anyway, also fully understanding that we hadn’t met and you’d be a single white female in a strange town walking in to who knows what.

That slice of humanity is not my favourite. I read a story that the ABC and Hack put together on Tinder and how scum can get away with abuse against women on that platform over and over again. We’ve advanced so much as a species and yet there are those that are going to cock it up for the rest of us. My son will have respect for women and humans in general. If I achieve nothing else in life, I will make sure that I do my best to guide those I can in to being better.

Aaaaand suddenly I sound like an unintentional super hero. *cringe*

13 November 2020

Lordy, I want to talk to you.

I’ve just walked through the door home at almost bang on 9:30pm. The house is empty bar the cat who didn’t get fed (who seemingly just stopped eating to come and rub against me to then return to the bowl – I’ll take that as thanks) and I just. Want. To. Talk. To. You.

Not that I have any exceptional stories to tell. The night went really well, I talked to a bunch of interesting people, caught up with friends I hadn’t seen since the last festival or longer, geeked out at one of my fave local sculptors, I was busy most of the time… It was good.

But I’m child free in a lonely house and I just want to catch up.

I’ll be cuddling my pillow tightly tonight.

14 November 2020

While there are gherkins visible in this photo, they did not survive much longer.

I’ve not long woken from a nap where I dreamt about you trying to call and message me on what seemed like every platform, but it wasn’t the 8th of January so I steadfastly didn’t respond. Guess my subconscious has your back.

I spent the morning researching sex with a hip replacement, learning what to avoid, what positions are best for hip replacements though it’d be good to know whether you’re getting an anterior or posterior replacement as there’s a fair variance in what can go down (actually, going down shouldn’t be an issue…). Guess my conscious mind has your back too.

14 November

I almost had an oopsie in sending you a photo. Not that I had weakened but it’s just a normal process. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nice photo, share, tap Claire NO WAIT!!

This was my Art Prize get up. It was taken after I’d got home and realised I hadn’t snapped a pic, but thankfully it’s hard to spot the saggy eye bags.

I really need to fix that wall hanging. Or replace it. Maybe replace it.

15 November 2020

I still have tears in my eyes.

I have completed my homework. Schindler’s List is a reminder about how horrendous we can be, how we should always be open to change and adjusting our world view and however small, hope can be found, seeded and grown.

15 November 2020

A snuggle with Lach watching some things on YouTube followed by a pancake breakfast inside a lazy morning has lifted my spirits post holocaust.

Another almost accidental share – a friend just sent me this and it fills me with mirth @:-D

15 November 2020

I. Am. Bushed.

I spent the morning clearing gutters and pruning branches away from the roof on one side of the house. A late lunch was had, being the second of three Hello Fresh meals, with the final to be cooked tonight before the food turns. 

Why, oh Goodness why did I get Hello Fresh this week… 

Lach’s currently out with his Mum at the beach for a swim so I took the opportunity to cover the dining table in art supplies to do some works for Night of 1000 Drawings. I double checked the date, which, good, as it’s a week later than I thought. But then I noticed the deadline for the beginning of November that I hadn’t noticed before. Bugger. But then… I’m really tired and not quite up to it, so Chris gets a pass today! Yaaay! 

15 November 2020

You liked the photo of Ember on Lachie’s laptop that I posted on Facebook today. My hope rang right. I hope you spotted that I watched Schindler. I never do that “Chris is watching” business but I did it specifically as a shout out to you.

Here I am, out in the ocean
Waving frantically
Hoping you’ll see.

16 November 2020

You were tagged in a photo at a birthday dinner.

You looked… wow. 

16 November 2020

I was just about to fall in to bed when I realised I’d barely talked to you today.

It hasn’t even been a week yet. I’d started off sooooo cocky. “Oh yeah, 57 days. Pfsh. I sneeze 57 days!”

I really do miss talking to you. I want to fall asleep with your voice still echoing. 

I’m listening to podcasts again though. I’d missed a lot @:-D But at this rate, seems I’ll be well caught up by the time I get to hear you again.

17 November 2020

“Ugh, I wish I could talk to Claire.”

Somehow, it’s 1:24pm. It’s been a day of long phone conversations about new buildings and their mandatory specifications and meetings about tendering of student iPads. And the day has evaporated.

Head to my next school at 2:30, probably dropping off laptops on the way, work until 4:30 then drive to pick up Katie (my ex) from dropping off her car for service to take her home, then my grocery pickup will probably be ready, head home and put groceries away (along with the Hello Fresh waiting at the door) to go and pickup Lachie from table tennis to head back home and cook dinner plus the leftover Hello Fresh meal, maybe make muffins for lunch and then fall into bed.

Have I mentioned I miss talking to you?

…Right, long “I’m having problems with Facebook on my iPad” conversation over.

I threw one of our office ladies in to a thought pit today by simply asking “What are your hobbies?” After some time she said “the gym” to which I gave her an amused look, but then she turned in to “Oh, I don’t have any hobbies. Maybe I need a hobby. Do I have hobbies?”

I kind of felt bad for asking. But then maybe she’ll have some self-actualisation and become a better human. 

Maybe I’m just trying to justify breaking her brain. @:-D

Miss you.

18 November 2020

I dreamt of you last night.

For some reason you were helping get classrooms ready at one of my schools. It was a surprise to me and I’m not entirely sure if you knew beforehand that it was my school, but the hug was soooooo good. It was our first meeting.

And then we had to get back to work and I didn’t see you again.

Yeah. @:-/

18 November 2020

Heading from laundry to dishes and I seek your distraction.

Lach and I ended up having today at home. He stumbled out looking how I felt and I simply said “Let’s take a day.”

We’re half way through week 7. He’ll finish up in week 9 and week 10 is only 3 days long for me. It was when I was aiming to come and visit you. Head up Thursday or Friday, meet up for a cuppa, maybe a walk afterwards. If things were amenable, maybe go out to dinner, while away the evening and then hopefully repeat the following day. I’ll wishfully hope we can catch up somewhere for breakfast the next day and just… I dunno, see how we exist in physical space together.

One week tomorrow… *shakes head* Maybe I should write to you once a day instead. 16 pages in so far.

I want to forget you, you know. There is this part of me that wants to throw in the towel. Just have you as this delightful slice of my life that I let go. 

I do worry that you might do this again. Things go rough and you want to distance away. Step away in to yourself until the timer rings and you’re ready to come out of the oven.

That separation is hard for me. It’s stepping away. From me. It’s a selfish way to speak of it and I say that knowing… well, kind of knowing what you’re going through. I want to know what you’re going through. I want to know you’re okay or not okay. I know you feel better when you talk to me, so I understand and don’t understand why you’d want that to stop. I don’t want to feel like a drug you need to ween yourself off of. I want to be the cool shady spot under the tree where you can rest for a moment, take your mind off things and feel safe, where you can rest your load anytime it’s needed.

I care for you, so I want to be that space for you. I also want you to be my space. Knowing that there is someone who genuinely cares for me and can lift me with a few caring words or an honest unprompted compliment or just a laugh… I want to be vulnerable for you. 

I’m being more open in my day-to-day dealings and people notice. But I want to lose myself in you. 

Not long after getting off the phone to you when it was decided we were just going to be friends, I just felt the wall melt. I liked you. I really liked you and I wasn’t going to throw away my shot by being stupid and clamming up. I felt like I had the permission to open that door and let you in, whether given by you or myself. Probably more myself, being self-aware.

And then I had that opportunity removed as an option.

I want to forget you, you know. The problem is: I think you’re worth it.

19 November 2020

Tomorrow is your brother’s birthday. And in my defence, you did say you would like the reminder.

Will he stay fast or will he bend the rules? AGAIN!?

I honestly don’t know. Actually, I’m probably going to be a good boy. I could do with the scalding though…

20 November 2020

I be good. I be tired. Big week. Sleep. Snuggle.

21 November 2020

I am thoroughly entertained that there is a breed of dog known as Longdog. It had me in giggles on the phone to mum. She had been considering adopting a Jug (Jack Russell Pug cross) and I had to Google what it looked like.


That’s when I fell down the rabbit hole.

I’m sure people cross breed poodles just so they can have their immature moment.

I had a nice lay in this morning (I still woke at six, but I foxed the animals well enough for them to leave me for almost an hour) and then Lach and friends planned a sleepover for tonight, so a nice quiet evening for me. Yes, I should have planned an outing but after this week, some solitude just seemed the right selection on the menu.

I do wonder what you’re up to. I hope you’re doing well. *cuddles*

I’ll admit I keep an eye out for you on Messenger, just for a sign of life. Totally not stalker behaviour… *cringe*

AAaaaanyway… More gutters and tree pruning today. Looks like I need to get a down pipe fixed. I remember seeing this spray stuff on infomercials as a kid that could seal up things like that. I’m pretty sure the guy that did the Nu*Finish ads (“The once-a-year car polish!”) also did the ad for this stuff, but I can’t remember the brand. But now suddenly I remember the Tarn Off lady cleaning the coins and jewellery and saying “Tarn Off” a thousand times. “Heck this! I’m watching Rugrats!”

Enough of this silliness. I’ve started watching The Queen’s Gambit on Netflix and it’s hooked me in. And with a peach ice tea and perhaps the Oreo ice cream sandwich in the freezer, this is how I’m spending my childfree night.

47 days tomorrow. Still such a short time passed, but I feel oddly positive about that fact. I couldn’t give a reason why. But yay! @:-D

23 November 2020

I am not feeling up to it today. I think I’ve had my pride bruised and it’s just difficult to get out of the funk. I am seeking external validation and I’m not sure where I can get it right now.

Okay, vulnerable. I was speaking to Lauren last night. She’s a friend who I originally met on Tinder. She was the one that gave me feedback on the date that I told you about. She was meant to have a coffee date with a new suitor yesterday but he had an accident and ended up in hospital (she has the best dating tales!)

She said that this guy had originally said to take a walk for their first meeting. She said “Uhh, actually, no” thanks to me.

I know full well that we’ve both learnt from that experience and yay awesome avoiding a similar experience in the future, but my body took it as a gut punch.

Reflecting on it, I guess I don’t like disappointing people. I feel that meeting was a disappointment. I don’t think the situation would have changed much if I’d gone with the standard coffee date, though she did openly wonder if they may have. I’m not pining for a lost connection, I’m… alone. Seeking external validation.

Being surrounded by ever growing piles of work doesn’t help the mood. Knowing that I have to be here longer today to make up hours compounds it.

I’ve been staring at the screen for the last five minutes trying to figure how I’ll pull myself out of this funk. Haven’t hit an idea yet. It sucks knowing that you could fix it in a sentence.

24 November 2020

I’m feeling particularly inundated with work right now. I have to keep mentally telling myself to drop my shoulders and concentrate on my breathing. It’s easier if I think “I’ll just have a chat with Claire.”

Wow. No, really. Is that all I needed to do? Honestly, just the act of opening up this doc and thinking about you has lifted the weight. Ha! Thanks @:-D

Now I realise I’m hungry.

I’ve been up early for the last two mornings. I made muffins this morning. Yeah… I think I’m highly strung. But I have muffins now, so things are so bad.

And now I have a terrible case of the yawns. Maybe I need a muffin, a nap and a cuddle. Two out of three are doable, one out of three can be accomplished shortly.

I wonder how you’re doing. How your health is going. How work’s treating you. Would you work be affected by Christmas at all? Is there a peak season in pet pharmaceuticals? I’m kind of impressed that I spelt that correctly first time. Lookit me go! @;-P

I think I’m going to wish you a Merry Christmas. On Christmas Day, of course. It’s like birthdays – how do I just not message you on the day? Just seems rude.

I hope you’re doing well. Think I’ll grab a cheeky peek at that dinner photo, in the interests of mental health.

I hope you’re doing well.

24 November 2020

I am going to wear that photo out.

You are certainly a pleasure to look at.

25 November 2020

I sat down at my computer to see the dictionary screen saver present me with Sisyphean. How very apt.

My eyes are struggling to stay open today. But I do have lamb shanks slow cooking at home. Oohh yeah. Cook up some spuds and dinner is doneskie.

And now I’m smiling, remembering your lack of enthusiasm for potatoes. It’s an endearing thought.  

26 November 2020

I’ve just had a teacher friend tell me about a musical playing at QPAC next March that sounds interesting. Popping the link for tickets here as a reminder:

https://www.qpac.com.au/event/come_from_away_21.aspx

So the story is when 9/11 happened and all of the flights heading in to New York were diverted away, one of the places the flights went to was Newfoundland in Canada. The small town proceeded to make these strangers more than at home with people leaving saying “It was the best time of their lives.”

It sounds like such a beautiful story. A lovely reminder at how amazing people can be.

I would like to go with you to see it.

It makes me smile, thinking of you adoring this weird male that enjoys musicals.

While I’m here: Lachie made me laugh this morning when he walked in on me shaving. He hung around watching me for a bit. I asked “What’s up?” and he said “I was just checking to see if you were going to make Mummy happy.”

The facial hair. Katie is not a fan. When we first started going out, I had a goatee. The ultimatum was thrown down that if I wanted things to continue, it had to go.

Of course I got rid of it.

Hence why having this beard now has been a bit of a hobby – I’d just never experienced a fuller beard before. I’m less attached to it that it is to me so I may flippantly change my mind one day and it’ll be gone.

That said I had a discussion with Katie where she was loathing it again and I said I may likely lose it when I’m in a relationship again. I’m a bit dubious about the whole kissing-with-a-beard. I don’t want to be getting friendly and stripping flesh while I do it and no amount of beard butter is going to soften it enough to make it barely tickle. It’s going to mainly be the choice of the person I’m kissing (it could be uncomfortable for me too, no idea).

Then that person needs to deal with baby faced me. Ha!

28 November 2020

What a week.

Thursday after picking up laptops, drifting across 5pm, I groaned to the roof of the car and told Lach “We’re getting Hungry Jacks for dinner. Daddy can’t do.”

Which he was thrilled about. Of course.

I had katsu curry and rice instead (still had a frozen Coke to compliment the meal @;-P) and after grabbing petrol to be ready for Friday, we headed straight home. I undressed and just needed a minute to catch a second wind to get at least one artwork done for Night of 1000 Drawings, so I’d just watch a couple of YouTube clips and get cracking.

I promptly fell asleep during the first one and woke up after 9pm to a dark and locked up house with my phone on the charge and my glasses put on my bedside table.

My heart swells for that little blighter. I’ve gotta pretty darn good kid.

Friday night was another late arrival home. I forced myself to get some exercise done and mostly admitted defeat to getting new art done. Donating my August animals was also nixed as I wanted to get a good quality scan before I gave them away which did not happen.

Today was an early start of cleaning as we’d baby sat Ananda (Katie’s Saint Bernard pup) while she had a rental inspection. The dog likes water, dirt likes the dog and the combo was still gracing our floor. Plus with the week, the ball was well and truly dropped. 

And I had limited time as Lach had a friend’s birthday party at 10:30 at the pool. I figured I’d hang around and chat to parents as with Covid drop offs, we don’t really see each other much. I left at 1:30 with a pool-tired child who was left to his own devices while I continued cleaning.

5:30pm was start time for Night of 1000 Drawings, so I had Lach packed up to stay at his Mum’s place overnight (another child free night!). Met Katie’s friend and personal trainer Tammi who she’d be keen for me to meet as she was “also a big nerd but exercises, so like you, Chris, but better.” I’ll roll with that @:-D

Met Lauren at 1000 Drawings and did our circuit of all the works. Some really great stuff on display. Ran in to a bunch of friends and had some interesting conversations (really, why the need debate on daylight savings?). Lach and Katie and Tam rocked up and not long after, the bidding started. We all lucked out and got our first picks. Katie ended up having to drive Tam back to her car at Katie’s place (some relationship stuff going on with Tam *shrugs*) so Lach ended up with 3 tickets for artworks and he scored well. Even got the win with multiple people bidding on the same work. Aww yeeeee.

Katie came back, got Lach and adios’d and Lauren and I sat and listening to some great live music. Live music! And there was dancing! And the dancers were enthusiastic and tipsy so it was entertainment in itself.

It was a lovely and fulfilling night. I wish you were there or at least on the other end of the phone to tell you about it. Instead it has now drifted past midnight (I stayed up and finished of Queen’s Gambit – recommended!) and once I shift the dog out of my spot will curl up with a pillow.

This was a yawning in the dark shot. It turned out more screaming-at-death-metal.

I hope you’re well.

29 November 2020

Woke at 3am for some reason. Couldn’t get back to sleep until after 4. Lachie didn’t switch off his 6am alarm and it doesn’t stop by itself, sooooo it’s a do-nothing-have-more-coffee day.

I looked back at photos of you.

And now I’m going to give the dog a bath. Life goes on. @:-)

29 November 2020

I made Katie tear up this afternoon. Well, it wasn’t all my fault.

She still has a good whack of things still in this house. When she first moved out, it was to… I think initially it was in with a friend. Then the friend not long after disappeared and she went to another friend, I think, for a week when she realised, she couldn’t live there. Then it was moving around house sitting for a few months.

I think it was only late last year/early this year that she got her own rental, which she shared with two separate people until she peaced out and became determined to live by herself.

All this to say that she hasn’t really had a place to take her stuff to.

I’ve basically dedicated her old yoga room as a dumping room for her belongings. Every now and then she’ll get motivated and grab/sort a few things in the room. This has been few and far between and frankly, I don’t mind. I don’t have a burning need for THIS PLACE TO BE MINE!!!

But I have recently entered phase two of getting this house sorted, I guess. In the process, I’ve come across a bunch of her clothes stored away in the bedroom and laundry and this week have been washing them and handing them back. ‘New’ fresh clothes and returns of old favourites.

But after I returned a few bags last weekend and loaded her up with more when she dropped Lachie back, it hit her a bit. It’s compounded by current business stresses and whilst I’m well intentioned, I get that it can come across as an arse move.

I am still… affected, perhaps? By when Dad passed and the amount of “Dad stuff” that had to be sorted and gone through. I wouldn’t consider myself a hoarder, but I am sentimental and have a dose of “That could be handy someday” but I’m now aware of when I’m doing it. 

I want stuff sorted. I don’t want clutter. And selfishly, I want this place to be more Lachie and I. And looking after a household with a child is time consuming. With work being the load that it is right now, you don’t want to come home to piles of to-do’s. Or at least not so many. I need it to weigh less on my mind when I’m driving home or walking through the door.

I also want more indoor plants, re-inspired by you.

30 November 2020

I had a moment of déjà vu pulling up to work this morning. The carpark and lighting and feel just threw me back to the “Just friends” conversation. Yeah.

I was just telling myself “Be vulnerable, Christopher, and talk about that” but then I double-checked and I already have. And I don’t think I’ve much to add to what I wrote.

I guess I was prompted by that to feel like I should start looking in to long distance relationships. I now have some podcasts to listen to.

Understand that I’m not trying to rush into things. I can see that being hard with the distance and perhaps the time separated. Keeping a level head may be difficult and I think that’s something that we’ll need to be conscience of. Maybe that’s just me because I could see myself falling hard. 

It’s who I’ve been in the past.

I say it like that because I’m not even certain that’s how I’d be in the future. I catch myself being very cynical to love songs and relationships on TV. I hope I’m not that. I want to do the romantic stuff. 

I find myself wanting to meditate on that more. To be continued, perhaps.

1 December 2020

Pinch anna punch!

I am weary today. Rough sleep. Hot water system didn’t live up to its name this morning, so a barely luke warm shower (not too bad, the weather’s warm anyway)… 

Bah, I don’t want to whinge. 

2nd December 2020

I watched this over breakfast this morning and there’s a specific scene that made me think of you. 

I had a lovely electrician visit this morning to attempt repairs on the hot water system. But dagnammit, it’s a full replacement instead. I had plans for that money too. Sad face. Everyone might be getting washers for Christmas this year @;-P

I hope you’re doing well. 

I know this is a line I type a lot, but I really really do hope with all of my internals that your health in its whole is in a good place. With no feedback mechanism apart from a rare tagged photo on Facebook, all I can do is hope you’re well and let you know that I’m thinking about you. In the future. In the past. Great scott!

Okay, so maybe mentioning “tagged photo on Facebook” required me to check again. Have I mentioned I really like that restaurant photo? *fans self* @:-D

2 December 2020

I want to see if you know about Smooze frozen yums. They’re made with coconut milk and come in about 4 different flavours. The mango is my fave.

Juju enjoys licking the packet afterwards too @:-D

Also a teacher aide found this book. We were giggling at the name when suddenly we realised what the book was called, then we completely lost it.

3 December 2020

I woke up this morning from a dream where I had lost Lachie sometime before. I was at someone’s house admiring an unfinished artwork and was told the boy who had started it had passed away this year. This pulled my dream self back to the memory of losing Lach in some recent history. I had to excuse myself to their backyard and collapse into a ball and ugly cry.

I woke up on the other side of the bed, every muscle tensed and unable to breathe.

I think it would be easier to identify what muscles don’t hurt right now. 

I had to get up early to do some work (releasing iPads in our management system so kids could wipe them and take them home as their own) and it took my longer than it should have due to my aching hands.

I’ll go cuddle him awake for the day and see if the new hot water system can loosen me up a bit.

Yep, that helped. So does looking like a Jedi @;-D

4 December 2020

I had a burning desire this morning to know how your housemate situation is going. Don’t ask me why. I woke up and just… NEEDED TO KNOW! Must’ve been influenced by a dream I don’t recall.

The lad has finished school for the year. Lucky sod. I’m taking him to work with me on Monday to get him to prep some computers, then he’ll hang with his Ma for a bit of Tuesday before heading to his grandparents for a few days. I’m hoping I can go visit friends Thursday/Friday up in Rocky, but then again… The tired is heavy on me right now.

I’d like to hear you.

5 December 2020

I’m currently sitting next to the third round of YuGiOh tournaments. And my mind turns to you. 

Of course, I wonder how much you think of me in random moments. If you do at all. 

Maybe you’ve had to have surgery and a really cute young nurse has captured your imagination. I would like that for you. I feel solid in just wanting you to be happy. 

I’d like to take you out to lunch. Just chill. Somewhere with some cool grass, some running water… Random hot chip craving. Hot chips can be romantic, right? A nice picnic in a park. Dappled shadows, cool breeze. Apple cider. Surely you like apple cider. 

Maybe I’m hungry. @;-D

27 December 2020

I was just wondering if you come back to this at all. Give me a call as soon as you read this @:-)

I like this sneaky pic I took of you. Not just because dang that’s a hot bod but it’s a reminder of how supportive you are.

I really cherished you sitting beside me in the car for this.

I love that you welcomed me in to your home, that you baked gingerbread with me, that I got to struggle with stifling my laughter while your Mum ear-dialled and subsequently hung up on you while you were trying to wrangle plans…

That I got to support you through that frustration. That I felt your genuine appreciation for that through your cuddle in the kitchen.

That we spent far too long delaying our goodbye.

❤️